Predictable

When I explained to Edna this morning about Fosters not providing personal care services, her first reaction was that it didnt matter becasue she didnt need the care anyway. Totally predictable. It then went into a diatribe about how they didnt turn up early enough anyway. I've told her that is something we can discuss at the meeting on the 14th.

She was dressed when I got there just past 9.00 this morning. The carer turned up about 15 minutes later - by which time I had already given her a cup of tea and given her her morning medication.

She was consfused about what day it was and one point thought it was Monday and that she was off to Mosely Hall later. On the plus side at least the classes at MHH are now part of her routine.
However they had given her a booklet abour relaxation and stress and breathing. I dont know how I kept my temper when she said she didnt beleive in stress as a problem becasue no-one ever sufferred from stress in her day. She had admitted earlier to feeling angry about things, and I managed to get her to see that anger would be releasing the same chemicals as stress. The booklet went from being something she had bought home to show me, to being something she would read .

I wonder how they get on with her in the class? I sometimes feel sorry for the physios in charge of the class.

She is still refusing to go to the common room becasue she saysd the people dont talk to her and and snub her. I've done my best to convince her to at least try becasue she is complaining about no-one caring about her. Luckily the staff and other residents know she feels like that so I am convinced if she DID make the effort to go down they would talk to her. i think they would like to see her. I had a bit of a moan in the common room on my way out. I could get onto toruble with Edna for discussing her like that - but with any luck someone will tell her that her actions are upsetting me - and that may make her think again.

At least if she gets upset with me I know she will soon forget it. Even dementia has a silver lining I suppose

Worries

I intend to go and see Edna tomorrow if I can. The if is because I dont feel too well -and with real paranoia I am concerned I am coming down the flu. Its perfectly feasible. I have been in contact with contacts offlu patients. Of course it could just be that I am tired.

But flu is out of control in Birmingham and I am worried about Edma getting it. I am also worried about me being ill and not being able get over to her if she is ill. Additonally there is a heatwave warning for Birmingham with special concerns for elderly people with heart and /or breathing problems.

Paranoia is a dreadful thing - or is it my intuition giving me advance warning of a problem?

Some musings

I went for a walk this morning and combined the walk with listening to some of the meditation music tracks on my MP3 player. I found myself meditating about Edna and I have realised this change in policy at Fosters may have much more profound effects than just stopping the personal care services.

Fosters was never meant to be for the infirm. It was meant for the fit and self caring who needed the sceurity of help around in an emergency. They realised when they found themselves getting bad publicity because they refused to allow the wheelchair bound lady in number 6 back that they couldnt exclude people any more. So I think this new policy recognises that they are going to have a higher proportion of infirm clients, but sets imits on what they will do. Anything else must come from outside services (family or care workers)

What it may mean is that they have a higher threshold for saying 'you cannot stay here' Certainly if Edna turned round and started refusing the services I think Fosters would act very quickly. This is going to change Edna's relationship with Fosters I think. And I wonder if it will change her feelings bout staying there?

Changeing the care package

I managed to speak to the socila worker today and not only have I found ut why she wanted to talk to me , but I've also managed to make sense out of something Edna had told me. I now realise she had misunderstood what she was being told.

It seems that Fosters are no longer going to provide any personal care. Instead they will concentrate on things like shopping and cleaning. Domcare can take this over, but they have been refused a budget to pay for this extra visit. So Edna will have to pay- but she pays Fosters now.

The good news is all her other visits will still be free.

Edna had tweice mentioned that something was changing for the other rresisdents but not for her and one other resident (I'm guessing tha lady in flat 6 who is wheelchair bound) I now think what is happening is the prsonal care is still being provided by Fosters until other arrangments can be made. Obviously she didnt understand what she was being told.

This may mean she gets her shopping done again. That would be a releif for me. But I now have to face a meeting with Edna, the social worker, Domcare and Alma when it can be officially discussed and decided.

I am a little annoyed that Alma hasn't informed me of the change - but then the residents are meant to be independent and self caring and shouldnt need NOK to interpret for them.

I am also worried whether Edna will agree to pay. I think she may actually have understood more than she has let on because she was moaning about how much she had to pay for the morning visit.

The meeting is on July 14th - a good excuse for a day off work methinks.

Paid assistant

I popped into to see Edna after work tolet her know abut the letter form the pensions people. I dont think she really understood or appreciated what it meant. I need to try and contact the social workers tomorrow to try and find out why they tried to contact me and to ask them what this increased allowance means we can do.

Some of what she told me today sounded as if she was fantasising again - well not fantasising but not having a good grip on reality. She felt she had been 'dumped' by some of the other residents - who dont talk to her any more. She apparently made cheese on toast for tea last night. She doesn't go to the commo room - but she goes and sits on the bench outside. I just cant beleive any of those is really true.

She also says that the class at NHH is for heart patoemts not respiratory patients. On the plus side she is still going to the classes - so she can be sensible when she wants to be.

She did admit she neds and assistant with her psot and paperwork, And today at least she is happy with the idea of me helping her. But she doesnt want any shoppping.

I did 5 minutes of meditation before I went in to see her today. I hoped it might make me more receptive to her needs and what she was feeling. I will try to do the same very time I go to see her. It can't hurt - and right now I will try anything I think might help

Benefits

I had a letter from DWP yesterday and they have agreed that Edna is entitled to the the fullcarers allowance. I am surprised to put it mildly. They also said they hadn't been told about her hospital stay and that she may have been overpaid as a result. But they will write directly to her about that.

I am anxious about how she will rract toboth these peices of news. I am also now anvxious to speak to the social workeres who tried tp talk to me on Friday but never rang me back.

I am off work tomorrow to help Steve with the final push on his house. I wil contact Domcare and see if they can give me the number of the social workers so Ic an ring them. Whatever they wanted it couldnt have been that important - but if they want to talk to me I certainly want to talk to them. I feel so ignorant about these things. I want her to have everything she is entitled to but I dont my way through this maze. I am sure the scoial workers could help with that

I am dreading my visit tonight already. I always do unless I have a specific purpose that I know Edna can't argue with. The sad truth is I dont really know her at all - because she never really lets anyone get close to her. She doesn't really trust anyone - even me. She might trust Steve rather more - but I think even that would vanish if he was trying to do the same sort of things fpr her that I am. Is that just her personality or is it the disease. I have no idea but it makes no difference. I still have to deal with her as I find her.

I think I need to meditate and do what I can to make myself as receptive as possible just before I go into see her - and that means in the car before I go in. Not ideal but I have no doubt me being calm is a much better start than me being uptight. I am also sure that listening properly is probably the key to getting her to hear me properly.

Communication is bound to be a problem with a dementia sufferer. I need to get those lines going now while she still has her cognitive functions intact. Then I should be able to keep them open easier as her cognitive functions get worse. At least that is the theory.

I am probably talking a load of drivel but it makes sense to me. It measn I have a plan and that always makes me feel better about things.

How much do I do?

Its the start of a busy weekend - in fact it started last night when Tony and I went over to Rachel and Tyler. The rest of my weekend is almost completely mapped out - and doesn't include a visit to Edna. Should it? Am I being selfish in not going over? Despite all her protestations does she really want me to spend more time with her?

I dont know but I am NOT going to let this spoil my weekend. I can ring her - and she can get company if she wants to make the effort.

The social workers tried to contact me yesterday about her care package. I couldn't talk when they first rang - but they never got back to me. I wonder if this is about payment? If it is I wonder how much she will be prepared to pay for.