Laundry

Went to see Edna today - took her some laundry back and of course collected another load to wash. She seemed OK. In quite good spirits. but she was sure she had been somewhere to a surgery or another hospital. She hadn't of course - but she HAS stratde walking with a zimmer frame. I think she has been to the gym with the physios

She seems not to be bothered about her memory loss any more - but I dont quite buy that idea. She seemed very resigned to everything . I should be re-assured but I'm not.

She was very out of touch with reality at times. She was a bit concerned about money - but then said she wouldn't argue with me about it.

The truth is I dont have a clue how much of what she tells me is real - and how much isn't. I have no idea how good or bad her cogition is. How on earth am I suppposed to know if she is safe to go back to Fosters? And if she isn't how on earth am I supposed to persaude her to do what is best for her?

Tomatoes

For some reason Edna has a bee in her bonnet about tomatoes. She insists she wants a pound of tomatoes at the hospital. We almost fell out about it, with her going very huffy and saying she would get someone else to buy them.

Trouble is I dont know if she realised when she said it that she was in hospital not at Fosters. She has admitted she gets confused about where she is sometimes - and blames that on the fact that they look alike (they dont of course)

At one point this evening she was saying that her memory wasn't that bad- that she didnt forget important things because she wrote them down. Then she spoiled things a little by saying she hadn't had any important phone calls recently. I don't think she realised she doesn't have a phone.

Apart from that it was the normal 'torrent of words' probably meaning nothing - except I know they DO mean something to her. I just wish I could decode it. Or maybe she is worse than I thought and it is all fantasy.

I have to beleive that she is still in there somewhere tryig to comminicate properly with me.If she isn't then this is all so futile.

A torrent of words

That was the phrase Carolyn used when she was describing her feelings about Edna. Thats excatly what I had at the hospital today.

When I got there she had just spilled tea over herslef. She had fallen asleep with her cup in her hand and lost her grip on the handle. Its the second time she has done that to my knowledge - the forst time beig at Fosters.

She was absolutely convinced that she had been for a heart test this morning - that two porters had taken her out. The sister (who I knew from her days on Ward 7 at BWH!) assured me she hadn't been anywhere. I also discussed her drugs and bladder issues with the sister. Currently Edna is on 2.5mg BD od Oxybutinin. But we are agreed that the doctors should be encouraged to reduce it to 1 od. She is fine overnight. Its only during the day she has issues. I'm not certain it will work because I dont think she has detrusor muscle problems. Its all in her mind sadly.

So she is still out of touch with reality. I decided my best option was just to listen to the torrent of words - so I did. I still can't work out if there is any hidden message about her feelings in what she says. But I do know she gets upset if she realises she has forgotten something, or has 'surmised' something. She didnt say much when I told her she hadn't been for a heart test -except to say she would speak to the porters.

At least she is feeling neglected or feelig that I want to 'dump' her. I hope we don't get a repeat of that

A short visit

I popped in to see Edna last night . She seemed OK. They still haven't got confirmation from the doctors that she can weight bear and mobilise but one of the team will be on the watd today and they are hoping to get confirmation from him today. I wonder if I ought to make a fuss about the total lack of information in the notes? She would have been mobilising 3 days ago if they had done wnat they should have done.

I have decided visiting every other day is the most practical option. So far she hasn't had any episodes of feeling neglected by me. If that starts up again I will have to reconsider. Its funny how its worked out by I am guessing she will be being discharged about the time I am moving placements. That meas I can negotiate new hours and terms or maybe take a break at exactly the time it is needed.

Phone calls

My new contract phone and hands free kit came in handy yesterday as I phoned Dr Ostler to let her know Edna was in hospital. It turns out she DID have a memory clinic appointmnet on the 17th July. I was never awar of a letter turning up. I have to assume Edna goit the letter but ignored it or forgot to tell me. So I have GOT to do something about that when/if she goes back to Fosters. I have also told the ward that Edna is under Professor Padross for her dementia. Hopefullt they will call him in becasue I know the nurses are worried about he increasing confusion.

I will be going to see her tonight. I can already feel my stomach knotting up.

Thought for the day

When baby-proofing a room, what is the best way to do it? You get down on the ground and see the world through the eyes of your baby. Never before have such dangers and opportunities for mischief been so apparent! The same is true with relationships. Many times you may try to empathize with a person by saying "I know how you feel." But do you really? When a person cuts you off in traffic, do you curse them under your breath or throw an angry gesture? What if that person is really just having a hard day, dealing with an unruly toddler in the backseat? Attempting to view the world through another person's eyes builds empathy and thus a deeper understanding of that person. Think about others you conflict with before jumping to conclusions.

Two hospitals in one day

Today was Edna\s appointment at the fracture clinic. I had ro meet her there so the ward didnt need to lose a member of staff to escort her. Almost the first thing that happened was that she said she was desperate for the loo and 'nearly wtting herself' So two nurses got her on to a bedpan and she did actually use it. They took off the plaster and s ent her for an X-ray. While we were waiting to go in, she said she needed the loo again. I pointed out she had onyl just been and suggeste she distrtact herself by talking to me. Whiel she was being positioned for the x-rays (whihc she found painful) she complained again that she was 'nearly wetting herself' By this time I had realised that she had a pad on, so I tried to calm her by saying it didnt matter and she wouldn't be in trouble if she set the trolley she was on.

When we got back to the clinic ,she had a knee brace put on becasue they have decided she did NOT have a fracture and the problem was OA) and just before the ambulance crew turned up to take her to West Heath she was 'desperate to have a wee' and got put on the bed pan again.

As I was waking back to my car I was thining about her bladder issues and found myself hoping they didnt try to put her on Oxybutinin or anything like that.

I popped into to West Heath briefly becasue I had soem clothes to return, and during my visit she medtioned she had ben given a blue pill. On checking with the nurse it turns out she HAS been put on Oxybutinin - but the nurse said she didnt think they would keep her on it. That explains the dry mouth she waa also complainig about today. I can't decide if I am pyschic - or just know too much about how doctors think.

But if we can't get on top of the bladder issue - even though she can mobilise now - it is going to be a major problem becasue she will hate it if she has to wear pads and she will either cut down on her drinks OR try to avoid taking her water tablets.

I have told the nurses how concerned I am about her mental deterioration. they have noticed the same thing -s o it is not just me. An example is we saw a poretr in X-ray - and immediatley Edna told me what a nice man he was, that he had 3 daughters who all worked in the hospital. I wish I could work out WHY she feels the need to look as if she knows about everyone? It obviosuly meets some need in her psyche .

I hope that now she is able to mobilise she will feel a little less helpless and dependant - and she may then improve a little.

But I ended up the bag bad wolf ,public enemny number 1 today when I didnt immediately give in to her toilet pleas.

I am very fearful about the future . I am worried she will be shipped out of West Heath without proper care plan or care package. I am worried about whether she will be able to mobilise properly.

She has to go back to the fracture clinci on August 14th. Will she be home by then or will she still be in West Heath?

Post visit primal scream

I am siting here eating a double chocolate chip muffin. That is my therapy to stop me giving vent to an actual primal scream. The visit was stressful to put it mildly

When I got there she was upset and complained that the staff wouldn't let her go to the toilet. It seems she has been asking to be taken every 15 minutes - which isnt practical. I think the problem is she remembers about the accident she had on her first day at West Heath. And she is so anxious to avoid that all she is thinking about is making sure she asks to go in time. Of course this means she is constantly thinking about whether she needs the loo - with the result that she feels as if she does - even if she doesn't. At least my visit distracted her. She didnt ask to go once while I was there.

I checked on her medication and she has been having her Rivastigmine. So the deterioration is real - and very frightening. I must ring Dr Ostler tomorrow and let her know Edna is in hospital. I may be able to get some sort of advice from her about whether this means she needs an increase in dose or if indeed anything can be done .

I suspect most of what she told me during the visit was fantasy/delusion/displaced memory /hallucination. But once we got over the issue of the toilet (and when I sided with the nurses I was not popular) she was happy enough.

At one point she said she didnt have any idea what was going to happen to her. It felt very reminiscnet of Mum asking me if I knew what was wrong with her tha last time I saw her -one week before she died.

Not a nice thought.

Deformed people walking through the ward?

Just got back from visiting Edna. It was a trying visit in many ways. She was up and in her chair and seemed fairly bright. But I have really no idea how much in touch with reality she was.

Many of the themes were very familiar. Had I got her keys?

She had lost ................. and I needed to re-assure her that whatever it was (and there were quite a few) that it was at her flat 'Thats another thing I can cross off my list and stop worrying about'

The meal times were being mixed up.

She had told off a member of staff but not reported her to matron

But it was when she pointed out to me what she thought was a trap door and insisted there were people hiding behind it that I got very concerned. She insisted that she had seen deformed people come out from behind the trapdoor in the ceiling (aka light fitting) OR from behind a door in the wall further down ther word. She insisted she had seen them walking through the ward.

That is far and away the worst delusion/fantasy/hallucination she has ever had to my knowledge - and I am worried.

She has an OP appoitnment at SOH fractiure clinic on Tuesday at 10.00. The nurses have asked me if I can meet her there so they dont have to send an escort. I will tell work on Monday that I wont be there on Tuesday.

Another afternoon at the hospital

I have just got back from visiting Edna. I left home just after 2 and I have got home just afer 4. Every hospital visit takes at least 90 minutes out of my day. This is one reason why I find it all so tiring.

Another reason is that I find the visits themselves tiring. I am trying to work out why . I find talking to her so difficult. She often gets lost in the middle of a sentence and then she gets frustrated and upset. That is usually followed by a statement of resignation. I can't beleive I have been so slow to realise this but that is undoubtedly the reason she has stopped going to the common room at Fosters. She HATES the fact that she forgets things.

She looks around the ward all the time I am there smiling at people as if she knows them. Half the time I am sure she doesn;t But when she has stopped smiling at them she then tells me things about them. Apparently Gabriel (male rehab assistant) has 4 children - 3 girls and a boy. Now it is possible she HAS discussed things like that with him - but it seems unlikely because he is afrocarribean - and her attitude to all non-white races is sadly anachronistic - and very un pc. At times the things she says embarrases me. So I find it diffcult to beleive that she would have that sort of converstaion with him. It is even more unlikley that she would remember such details.. So I am sure that when she tells me things like that they cannot be true.

What I am puzzled about is why she thinks she HAS been told these things? Or even worse why she is deliberately making them up. I am guessing its because it gives the illusion of normality in her life.She is a bit of a nasey parker and always likes to know what is going on round her.

Today she made a very telling statement. She said she doesnt belive in life after death - but that hell is here on earth.

She came out with other stuff that cannot be true -like somone doig laundry for her. I think she was getting mixed up with the girls at Fosters. I think a lot of the thigns she tells me are like that. They are things that have happened - or that she has been told - but not in the time and circumstances she attricutes it to when she tells me.

I feel I am damned if I do and damned if I dont as far as correcting her ins concerned. If I DO manage to find a flaw that makes it obvious that what she has said isnt true, she gets upset. If I accept what she says at face value - and then it becomes obvious to her that she MUST have been wrong, she will get upset that I haven't corrected her.

I think the visits are so tiring because of the mental effort and stress or talking to her.

Pretty obvious really

Dear God where will all this end?

Marginal improvment

Edna was lying on the bed when I got their today. I went at 2.00 aving told work I was leaving at 1.00pm She had been unwell over lunch . I think it is just the nebulliser making a good job of clearing her chest - but it could also have been a fortisip making her feel a bit sick. They are meant to be sipped (as the name implies) but she doesnt really like them and so she tries to get them down as quick as she can

I had another complete change of clothes waiting to be taken away and washed today but I did take the last two loads back. All except knickeers and oen top which didnt dry. Sdaly she didnt have any clean knickers in her drawer - so she will have to go commando tomorrow - and I know it wont be the first time! Ihave picked uo some more clothes - including knickers - some chocolate and her crocheting.

She perked up after I got there. She very quickly needed to go to the loo and when that was done they left her in the chair rather than putting her on the bed. I am a little worried about her and the loo. She says it comes on very suddenly - and clearly she is worried she will wet herself as she did the other day. But in herslef she did seem much better.

However she was still telling me tales of 'planet Edna' including the fact that Doris had gone home the previous day. I got regaled with the tale of how she had moved beds before being discharged. But towards the end of the visit she was talking abut hwo she had been told Doris had died. She also accepted that she may be remembering things she did a long time ago - but not realising how much time has passed since she did them.

Her final comment was about how worried she is about the way she keeps forgetting things and getting confused.

Compared with how she was when I was trying to get her changed after she wet herself she is much MUCH better.

I am so thankful that so far she has shown no sign of turning into Mrs Hyde

Juggling

I am juggling too many things at the moment. My main concern at the moment is Edna's laundry and clothes. I am trying to get all the stuff of hers I have dried so I can tke it in with me today.

I am juggling work, family life, Edna and my health routine and today has not go off to a good start. I havent had the energy to go for my normal walk today. It has taken me over 2 hours to go from getting up to being dressed and breakfasted. I have hardly done anything else. I haven't even dne myself any lunch to take to work.

I am plannig on going to work - mainly becasuse not going will be counter productive. I need to keep in touch with normal life. But I dont think I will be staying until 4.00.

I am tired with very little energy and keeping positive is a real effort of will. But I am NOT going to go under.

I am mustering all my sources of help -to the point of asking my medium friend Carolyn (who became a friend when she gave me a very VERY acurate impromptu unsolicited reading) for advice/re-assurance that I am handling things the best way for Edna. She is not capable of making informed decsisions at the moment so I have to try and work out what she would decide if she could.

Another visit - more laundry

When I got to the ward tonight she was sitting there in a top, knickers and no skirt - but she had a sheet over her. Whe I asked why she told me (eventiually) that her clothes had got wet again. She said it was tea - and when I found her top from yesterday (in the drawer with her clean clothes) it had a tea stain on the collar. But the skirt and other things were all damp with no sign of tea - so I am not sure. However all of them are now in the wash.

I need to get some more clothes into the circuit. Lat time she wouldnt chnage her cothes at all. If she is going to keep needing changes every day I wont be able to keep up with the washing.

Sher seems to be totally disconnected from reality. She knows me, she knows who Steve and Tony are, and she remembers people like Sylvia, Len and June. But her accounts of events during the day were obviously totally unreal. An old favourite from her first stay at WHH has re-appeared. Apparebtly there was a baby born at the hospital last night.

I have given up trying to correct her unless the fantasy is something potential harmful. At one point she was wondering how Alam was copiing with the enws that Fosters is being partially knocked down. I did reassure her that it was all there when I went to get her clothes from the flat.

I am hoping her memory of a conversation with a doctor was also fantasy - because apparently he has said she may need an operation on her knee.

I feel very dispirited and tired. I couldnt concnetrate at work at all today and I am not sure if I should go in tomorrow or not

I dont know how to manage

I have just been to see Edna at West heath Hospital and it was very difficult.

She was very distressed when I got there, didn't know where she was or what she was doing there. I managed to calm her down and reminded her what had happened. She then got very distresssed and we went through the ' I never thought I would end up like this' conversation.

The visit was very difficult because she kept getting disorientated, and thought she was at Sorrento - either as a memeber of staff or even more bizarrely as a patient having a baby!!

She said she couldn't find Alma, that she had she had slept in her flat last night, that she didn't know where she was going to go tonight.

During the visit she needed the toilet and basically she hadn't asked in time so when the orderly got her to the loo she had wet herself and all her clothes. he came and asked me to get some clean clothes and persuade her to change all of them. Apparently she didnt want to change her skirt. I mananged to get her undressed and re-dressed but she was exhausted by the time it was all done.

She also mananged to worry her ID band off while I was there. When I told her she had to have one because she was in hospitla she said why did she have to have one when no-one else did. I countered by reminding her that she couldnt have any medication unless they could check he ID on her wrist band.

I think she is losing the will to live even more than she has up to now.

I feel totally drained by the visit

Dreams

My sleep last night was disturbed by dreams that centered on Edna and her situation. I am not at work today and I am so relieved as it means I have plenty of time to do everything that is needed.

Someone is looking after us

Edna has been transferred to West Heath Hospital. But she is SO confused again.

She told me she couldnt find her TV and that she had been at her flat last night looking for it.
When the nurse made it plain she couldnt keep the 30.00 she had she started protesting about all the things she would need to buy like new slippers.

There were other examples as well but a lot of them were deja vu from previous hospital stays so I wont repeat them.

She has deteriorated such a lot over the weekend. The combination of the fall, disorientation from the hospital admission and then the move, plus Tramadol makes it easy to explain - but no easier to cope with.

I already have a plan for coping for the next month, so I guess its now just a case of getting on wth it and see how things go

There are so many potential medical complications form this situation. VTE, pressure sores, another fall if she gets confused and tries to get out of bed................... but I cant do anything about any of them.

All I can do is visit, bring her treats , and do her laundry.

Its startedf

I was just sitting down to have dinner tonight when the phone rang. It was the nurse from Raddlebarn Suite ringing to tell me Edna was in a state about her keys and to ask if I had them. I told her I DID have them (I have had them since Friday night /Saturday morning

Two weeks in plaster

She has her leg in plaster from ankle to thigh and will have to stay in that for 2 weeks. The plan is to get her straight o one of rehab hospitals from the Raddlebarn Suite. I have made it plain West Heath would be my preference but if its Moseley Hall we will just have to cope.

The combination of shock from the fall, being in an unfamiliar location and the painkillers (Tramadol and Co-codamol 30/500) has made her confused. When I said I had told Alma about her leg she said she was glad becasue she hadn't been able to find Alma that morning. She was also calling Steve 'Alan' which quite distressed him.

She was much more confused than she has been for some time. I have told the nurses I really need to be with her when any important information is being given - or improtant decisions need to be made. I have also told them that if she gets confused and distressed any time I am happy to be called if it will calm her down.

The amazing recuperative powers of sleep

I have had some sleep, been for a walk and feel much better this morning. I have alos rung the hopsital. She hasnt seen the orthopaedic surgeon yet but should do do today. I hope I am there when he comes.

Alma was very surprised by the news. Like me she is wondering what the pain was if the break was caused by the fall - but really that is irrelevant. We are where we are and we move forward.

The break is in the top of the fibula near the knee. Jane tells me that is where she had her break in 96. One result of that break was Jane getting a blue badge. I am wondering exactly what effect this will have on Edna's mobility if it did that to an otherwise healthy 50 year old. Edna would already have a blue badge if she bothered to apply for one. I would like her too as it would make it so much easier when she does go out.

This may force her to re-think the issue of the wheelchair.

As well as physical concerns I am concerned about how she will hold up mentally. If she gets very confused I may be needed a lot by the hospital. I hope the orthopod takes note of the fact that she does have dementia.

I am reluctant to be a pushy relative and insist I am there for all consultations because Edna probably wouldnt react well to that - but I am anxious about Edna understanding anything she consents to.

But unless SHE consents to me being involved it cant happen

Less than 4 hours sleep

It is just before 8.00 and I am up again - very tired, very fed up and very worried.

I have gone through my original blog to remind myself about Edna's admissions and illnesses

COPD 26th August to Sept 3rd
Fluid in legs 5th Sept - ??9th Sept I think
Painful foot leading to PE diagnosis Dept 21st to Sept 27th This was when Warfarin was started
7th Oct the weekend when the doctor was called because of pain and prescribed Diazepam.

At that point I stopped blogging becasue I was so fed up with everything but from memory on November 4th she had a fall - but didnt get admitted from C2 - but was diagnosed with AF on that admission
November 19th was the start of the long a dmission that ended with her going to West Heath. That was the first time hallucinations had been recorded with her . The reason for the admission was pain in her chest. That was the night she had a night sitter because it was felt she was unsafe on her own. That admission ended on 5th Feb

19th Feb she was back in Selly Oak after a fall and was kept in becasue of confusion. She was discharged on April the 14th with the new diagnosis of dememtia.

April 14th to July 10th has been the longest spell without a hospital visit or any crisis since her first admission in August.

I wonder where go from here?

Later

She has broken her leg - so I guess she will be in hospital for a little while. I have done the run to Fosters to get nighties and stuff. And frankly I am knackered.

She will be moved to a trauma/orthopaedic ward asap.

Obviously the broken leg is the result of the fall. She now thinks what caused the fall was her tripping over the strip that holds the carpets together -so what was the 'pain' caused by the 'excercises' ?

Imagination? Manipulation? Will I ever know? And does it matter?

Best laid plans of mice and men

I got myself well organised this morning and did all the shoppig - including Edna's bits and peices - done before I went to work today. the plan was I would go over tomorrow morning with the shopping, spend some time with her and then get on with the rest of the weekend and relax.

That all went by the board when Alma rang me at 9.30 tonight to tell me Edna had had fall and was on her way to Selly Oak. It is 2.00am and I have JUST got home. She has been admitted with something very strange going on in her left leg which is clearly very painful and very hot. I think the pian in he rleg was possibly the cause of the fall - but I am just guesing. She can't really give a cause at all.

She isnt confused - they put her threough the standard tests and she did OK. I now have to wait and see what is going on with her leg, and how long she will be in for.

But it seems a fair bet I will be spending part of the weekend at Selly Oak Hospital.

Amateur chiropodist

I have just got back form seeing Edna. When I got there she was distressed and breathless becasue she was trying to cut her own toenails. I'd suggested over the weekend that she needed to ask Alma to book her in with Jonathon (the chiropodist that visits Fosters) Either she forgot or didn't bother or couldn't wait .

So of course I had to try and take over - but luckily was able to persuade her I couldnt do it with her flimsy clippers - and flimsy is a good word to describe them. So tomorrow I have to ring Alam to ask her to get Edna an appointment.

Then when I have done that I have an invoice from Meals on wheels to pay, and I also want to ring Dr Ostler to find uout what has happened to Edna's appointment at the memory clinic. Edna denies having had any letter to do with that - but that doesnt mean she hasn't one. The memory clinics are pivotal in the managment of dementia. She has GOT to get to them even if I have to have a day off to get her there.

I also have a shopping list for her for the weekend. And I took her some money today that I took out of her acount on Monday.

I dont mind stuff that I can by phone or by finding a cash machine. I am getting a contract phone tomorrow so making phone calls during the day will be easier (assuming I can find a signal) Every hospital has a cahs machine - and most garages do as well. Plus a lot of shops give cash back with debit cards. So geting cash isnt a problem. Its going over there that is so time consuming and needs almost military like organisation.

Jobs to do

Today I have to make sure Edna's medication is sorted out and that Forsters know what should be happening - by phone. I have postponed the decision on a new phone and a contract while I assessed how much I really pay on PAYG. I know I got through 5.00 in a little under 3 weeks last time. When I add in needing to contact my ageny and JSA about my pay I think it probably a no brainer that I need a contract - but I am not sure.

But Edna;s illness could well be the tipping point in my mboile phone use.

Dementia hits every part of a carers life I have decided

A message for me

Awareness through downshifting

Often our first reaction to a stressful situation is to overcompensate and overwork to overcome whatever it is. Sometimes though, the best thing you can do it step away, take a breath, and come back to tackle the problem with a clear head. Replacing important things in your life with work only causes anxiety to build up--not to mention that it takes the joy out of life. Vacation does not have to mean physically leaving your everyday life and jet setting to the beach. Whatever relaxes you, brings more clarity, or calms your mind during times of stress can certainly be enough to rejuvenate! When logic tells you to quicken your pace and pile on the extra work, yet your heart is reminding you of the meaningful time you are neglecting with family, friends, and yourself, it's time to slow down. Often letting off on the gas for a period of time can compose and refocus your mind.

This is clearly how I need to approach the inevitable stress of dealing with Edna and her problems. I have come to the reulctant decision that I need to visit her midweek regulalry and have penciled Wednesday as a suitable day. I cant tell her what I have decided because she will object but I need to keep a closer eye on things. If I hadn't looked at her medications yesterday.......................... As it is she wil be without until Monday evening at the earliest.


I need to get to know her carers and care company so that I know I can talk to them and they will listen to me. I need to have the confidence that if I have concerns they will be listend to and dealt with.

The meeting on the 14th wil be a good forum to sort that out.

Decisions taken away from me

The decision about when to go over more or less got taken away from me when I rang Edna and she sounded very poorly and said she felt poorly so I went straight over to see her.

In the event when I got there she wasnt as bad as she sounded. She was very breathless when she answered the phone and I think that made her sound worse than she was. But I dont think she had had mch to drink this morning apart from the water with her tablets. There was a cold cup of tea on her trolley and she said she had tipped her water into it - and it had onyl been half a cup anyway according to her. So I made her a cup of tea and filled her glass with water again. I am sure she isnt drinking enough in this heat.

Then being a nosey parker I did a quick check round to make sure she had enough of everything and found she had no Rivastigmine . She said she had talen one this morning - and that probably is true becasause I am sure Dom Care would have contacted me if she had run out earlier. So I rang the pharmacy and after rreally worrying me by saying they didnt have a prescription for her, they found they DID have one. Unfortunatley they didnt have the Rivastigmine. Edna had one blister pack in use and one full one so the full one has gone back to the pharmacy and will be topped up with Rivastigmine on Monday. Then the one in use will be taken back and topped up and and Rivastigmine added to that as well.

They were very apologetic - and I do understand that with prescriptions coming from 2 places the system is more likely to go wrong. They didnt attempt to make excuses - and it was their idea to top up the in use MDS once she has a complete one on hand. The trouble is she has a monthly prescription from the GP and a 3 monthly prescription from the Elderly care paople - and of course they wont run out at the same time so everything is always out of synch. And an MDS system depends on everything being in synch.

OK it was easily corrected - but I could do without it. I am wondering if I need to take charge of her repeats myself although I cant see anyway I can at the moment.

But however apologetic they are, Edna is still going to be without Rivastigmone over the weekend. I have left a note in the Domcare book so they know the situation is under control.

We did have a chat about Alan and I am not sure she does realise the date - but she said she would be OK tomorrow. However she may have thought I was referring to her health not the date.

We alos discussed her going out -not that it will do any good. I got quite blunt and said there was no point in her moaning about not being able to get out if she didnt do anything to help herself like getting a wheelchair.

I have said I will go and se her on Wednesday to show her the new car. i think I need to make Wednesday my regular day for a midweek visit just to make sure I keep on top of things.

Weekends

I am feeling very resentful that I cant have a weekend free of Edna without making lots of arrangments. I dont know yet when I will go and see her this weekend. Tomorrow is Alan's birthday and I am worried she will be brooding. Bit I dont know whether I will do better to go today, or tomorrow. She may not have realised the date and if I go on his borthday it may remind of things she would prefer to forget.

I sometimes feel I cant do right for doing wrong.

It is very early for a Saturday so I have time to think and plan hoe best to tackle the weekend around my own domestic issues.

I feel guilty that apart from one phobe call I havent contacted her since last weekend. Ideally I feel I need to see her twice a week - but she gets upset and woprried about me going over so often. the trouble is I find phone calls to her tricky. I am always half expecting her to say something that takes me over. But that is far more disruptive to life than me going over straight from work.

I am not thinking quite straught at the moemnt because I am close to othet painful anniversaries not just Alan's birthday.

I have a funny feeling July is going to be a difficult month and that Edna is going to need me a lot.