How did we get here?

I am tred this morning - no surprise. but amidst the worry there is a feeling of anger and I might as well expel it here as anywhere else. She fell getting to the door entry system to let the carer in. She hadn't taken any sort of support with her to help her walk. OK it is possible she would have fallen even if she HAD had the zimmer frame, or her pusher or even the trolley with her. But with some support the fall might not have been as catastrophic as it is. She also said that she was trying to hurry.

Basically her stubborness has caused this. Her refusal to accept she is as disabled as she is, her refusal to consider leaving Fosters. And there is part of me that wants to say 'I told you so'. But it wouldnt do any good because I have no idea how much was her stubborness and how much her dementia. Doesnt change the fact that I feel like screaming is frustration, anger, worry, fear - you name it.

I feel surprisingly calm this morning all things considered - or maybe resigned is a better word. We are now in almost a worse case scenario - and it cna't get much worse. In a way I am almost TOO calm - I am suppressing emotion and I know that is not good.