The emotional effect on me

I may as well be honest and admit Edna's problems are taking an emotional toll on me. Its been bad this weekend not because I've been with her a lot but because I have had to sit out the bank holiday before I could contact the doctor about her Rivastigmine supplies. I dont deal with stress by throwing myself into work. That doesnt work for me. But a wonderful book called 'Change your life in 7 days' did just that for me a few years ago and gave me a new outlook on dealing with problems. I cope best when I can break up a large problem into small manageable problems that I can deal with one at a time. In this case I havent been able to do anything about the problem becasue of that outdated and anachronistic british instution the bank holiday. Edna hasnt needed me personally so far - although I have a feeling I may end up going over today. But not being able to make that one phone call has eaten away at me.

I can see Edna's problems eating into work this week. I may well be late to work tomorrow becasue my priority will be to ring Dr Ostler . That may well mean I leave for work too late despite the fact that traffic will be light as its half term. Also I booked myself onto a SAGA finance advise programme on Friday to see if they can give me any guidance about Edna's financial situation. I did that when I wasnt exepcting to be working . I have to decide whether to cancel the SAGA appintment or tell work I cant be there on Friday. My instinct is to tell work I cant be there. I need to give Edna priority over work at the moment- but I will see what happens tomorrow. I have no doubt I will feel better once I have spoken to Dr Ostler - assuming she is in next week. If I dont get an asnwer on the number she gave me then I will have a major task on to contact someone else in her team. I have a plan in my head for how to find out how to contact them - but putting it into action will definitely be time consuming!!

Cleaerly Edna's situation is full of unkowns - but I am not wasting my time saying 'what if' Sanity demands I deal with issues one at a time not try to be prophetic and deal with all potential problems. I can honestly say I haven't at any time sat down and tried to answer a lot of 'what if' questions. But having a plan B for tommorrow if plan A doesnt work is sensible planning ,not paranoid extrapolation into the future.

I feel I have been called to look after Edna. In a way this is driven by guilt that I didnt help Alan, and wasnt able to help Mum. Also it is something I can do for Steve. I couldnt leave him to cope with this ! I beleive I will find the resources to deal with each situation as it arises.

I am very aware that I will be no use to Edna unless I am well myself. That means both physically and mentally fit. The two go together. This blog is a way keeping myself mentally fit . I have discovered blogging can help me resolve issues by helping my clarify my thoughts. Writing is very therapeutic, Emotion can be expelled harmlessly onto the blog - a kind of written primal scream.

So far I have been lucky. I have only had to deal with emotions as a result of being with Edna. This is the first time an issue has persisted this way. I am sure it wont be the last time.