Time for a primal scream

It wouldn't help but it would be very therapeutic.

I have done Edna's shopping - and found as I was putting it away she had asked me to get stuff she didn't need. I have already said that next time I will help her draw up the list . I know I may have some arguments with her about what she odes and doesnt need - but I would be failing her if I didn't try to prevent her wasting money on foood she wont eat.

I paid with the card on her and my joint account - and as she had requested got 25.00 cash as well which was for petrol money for me. So I gt 25.00 cashback. I gave her the receipt - and she immediately asked me how much money she owed me. So I sadi it had come out of her account, and she immediately started worrying whether there was enough money in the account. There is over 30,000 in that account!!. It is worrying she couldnt remember She has always been very acute about her money situation.

I saw Alma when I arrived and she told me Fosters is NOT being taken over. So clearly Edna was surmisng again when she told me that. Also when I told Alma about the medicine sitation she said she had taken the blister packs to her this morning. So she had no medication yesterday at all.

The worrying thing is the Rivastigmine still isnt in. So she has been without that for at least 2 days. And it will be at least Tuesday before I can even speak to someone about the situation. She may if I am lukcy have some by Tuesday evening but I wouldnt bet on it.

The difference in her is noticable. She does not look well and says she doesnt feel well. She seems much more lerhargic and less alert. Undoubtedly mising her normal meds - especially the furosemide and digoxin will have an effect on her well being. But undoubtedly she feel less mentally alert off the Rivastigmine . That wont be making her feel any better.

I am worried. I dont know how or why the supply of her normal medication failed - and of course I cant start to find out until Tuesday. I I may have to take charge of ordering her repeats. Alma does it bt it isnt really Fosters job to do that. I dont want to insert myself into the system - but I need to have confidence that her medication will be there when she needs it. Luckily her pharmacy isnt far away from Fosters so visiting them isnt a problem. But until I know what went wrong this time I cant figure out how to prevent it happening again.

Alma was saying that Edna seemed fine this morning when she dropped the nomads off. I think she was trying to suggest that the malaise Edna complained of to me wasnt real. I am worried that Alma still feels most of Edna's problems are in her mind and not really real. I dint know if it matters that she doesnt beleive its real - but it will alter how she acts towards Edna . I dint know how muchthe behavious of others affects a dementia patient tho. Probably it doesnt have a signifcant effect.

I suddenly feel overwhelmed by Edna's illness again. I know it will pass. I will get in some quality meditation time over the weekend.

I will be glad when Steves exams are over and he is finally settled in at number 6 because then I will feel more able to involve him in things. At the momemnt he needs support from me . Thank goodness I have Tony to support me or I would be totally loopy