Just back from hospital visiting

I was nervous about visiting Edna today. She was so aggressive yesterday. Today Dr Jekkyl had replaced Mr Hyde and the visit was much easier. There were only 2 difficult moments.

She had lost her purse. I had searched high and low in the all the usual places where she might have put it by accident. Knitting bag, sponge bag, among her clothes in the bed...... It was nowhere to be found. So I reported it the a nurse and very quickly a second nurse came over and said when she had mislaid her purse yesterday it had been in an inside zipped pocket of her handbag that I didn't know existed. It was in there - but Edna subsequntly said to me (not the nurse!) that she thought the nurse had conjured it back in there with sleight of hand - implying the nurse had stolen it. I tried as gently as I could to say she had done no such thing, and lucklily Edna said it wasn't worth arguing about. Clearly though it was easier for her to think the nurse had been involved in its dissappearnce than to accept that she hadn't checked that pocket when she was looking. Thinking about it she only said she had lost it when I commented that I couldn't see it in her bag when I was going though it looking for the pen I gave her (which also seems to have vanished. Maybe I started the whole upset!! But she does mislay things SO easily.

The other upsetting moment was when she was talking about Alan being further down the ward. She did realise she had upset me talking about him. I didn't even try to convince her that he was dead so couldn't be there. However upsetting ,it was easier to enter her world .

The obvious hallucinations are the hardest things for me to accept. It is such a horrible sign of how bad she is. Confusion, poor memory and losing things are the sort of things we ALL do. Hallucinating is something else altogether.

Also the personality shifts are very hard to cope with. Looking back I can see these have been happening on a smaller scale for some time. The childish behaviour in West Heath was probably part of the same thing. But now I know the diagnosis, it somehow seems more obvious. I just hope I can modify my behaviour so Mr Hyde says hidden. Her aggressive side comes out when she is contradicted on something she firmly beleives, or when she is scared. At keast I think that is what happens. If I can allow for that in my responses ,hopefully she won't get aggressive so often - and I might be able to sooth her if Mr Hyde shows signd of taking over

I have tried to contact the sociial worker - but she was out . But she will contact me on Monday. Also Edna's consultant wants to see me on Monday so hopefully I will start getting some idea about how bad she really is and what sort of options they consider reasonable for her

Edna herself is resigned to whatever is going to happen. At least she is today. Tommorrow it may be a different story.