I dont know how to cope

I have been to see Edna and I have come away feeling totally out of my depth and wondering how on earth I am going to cope.

The carer turned up eventually (must contact them to ask if they can please ring someone if they get delayed in future) prompted medication and made her some breakfast - toast and jam- which she didnt eat. Looking at the communication sheet yesterday evening when the carer turned up Edna was cooking herself s couple of boliedf eggs but was very breathless. She was persuaded to sit down and let the carer finish the cooking.

I think the carer must have set up her nebuliser last night. I think the one this morning prompted her about it. However Edna said she had found a piece of plastic on the floor and wanted to know what it was. When she finally found it in her handbag - it was a vital bit of the nebuliser set up. So I went to replace it in the well where the liquid goes - and discovered it had liquid in it.That is not surprising as without that bit of plastic it wont nebulise properly. But Edna insisted she HAD used it and it HAD nebulised - and that it there was still liquid in it becasue the doctir told her she didnt need to take the full dose.

I got quite irate about that - but she did nebulise the rest of the dose. She insists she can remember how to use the nebuliser - but it is patently clear she can't.

Then she raked up a very old issue - about how she got very upset when someone told her I didnt want her any more. That happened MONTHS ago during her Selly Oak admission when they diagnosed the dementia.

Yesterday I had asked her if she wanted to put away her clothes herself. She said she did. But this morning they were still in the bags and I ended up doing it for her. I think she was happy for me to do it.

Thats the problem - I dont know what she is happy about - what she isn't happy about or what she really wants. One of things she said this morning was she wished everythig could go back to the way it used to be. She genuinley doesn't see how much help she needs- and doesn't believe she would be ill if she didnt have the help.

What really upset me was when she said she wanted to go and see ther bank manager. When I pointed out she had set everything up so I could sort her accounts out, she said she had had a letter from the bank telling her she could end the arrangement if she wanted to . I strongly doubt she has had a letter. She has in the past (and mentioned it again today!) implied that I too often take over. This normally only happens when she is feeling most resentful about all the help she needs. I'm afraid the fact that she implied she had given me rights on her accounts when she didnt really want to was just too much for me. I'm afraid I left - and she knew I was upset.

I dont know if she means to upset me - I dont think she does. But I can't be sure. And that is why I feel out of my depth..................